What I Really Want To Say Is…

What I really want to say is…

I don’t know what I’m doing.

Each morning I wake up with an idea of something I want to accomplish and I just do my best to make it happen…

Every day it’s something different.

This morning, I wanted to draft wire frame screens for the Shared Space app and send out resumes to try and find a job…

but when I woke up, I felt no desire. No drive. No motivation.

Each morning, I wake up and contemplate my place in the universe. I recognize that I’m alive and I direct my thoughts towards things I want to experience.

This morning, I wanted to be creative. I wanted to be loved. I wanted to be happy, and I wanted to be motivated.

Because I wasn’t.

I’ve lost a sense of direction towards creating things that challenge me. I’ve lost a sense of curiosity.

I’m not entirely sure what interests me, and still, I keep waiting for my gut to guide me.

I’m not sure if my gut knows what to do…

This morning I was afraid that I was letting resistance beat me. I didn’t feel like drafting wireframes or exercising or sending out job applications.

I didn’t know what I wanted to do…

I just knew those were the things I needed to do. So, I went upstairs and journaled.

I drank coffee, listened to music, and wrote a post for the website. All things I wanted to do.

By the time I had finished, I had a strong desire to keep working. But I stopped.

I knew then, I needed to exercise. If I didn’t, I would have failed. The man I wanted to be would remain a figment of my imagination.

I put shorts on, plugged headphones in, and jogged.

By the time I got home, I felt motivated.

The only thing I wanted to do, the only thing I cared about, was working on the wireframes and sending out job applications.

This morning I willed myself, and projected my thoughts, towards recieving the motivation that mattered to me.

What I really want to say is I still don’t know what I’m doing, I’m just trying to do my best.

3 thoughts on “What I Really Want To Say Is…

  1. I am at this point in my life as well the way i see it is that for the first time i can understand what i want to do and i can see that every action right now is putting me on a path.. before i couldnt see this path i was creating but now it is all i see… and it makes me feel like im unsure of alot of things, because this wont be something you can rewind and play again this is only to be heard once … Ne way just what was on my mind

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Get a Job you like so you have income coming in. This way you can achieve everything you want but you’re going to need some income in order to make this happen

    Liked by 1 person

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