What I really want to say is…
I don’t know what I’m doing.
Each morning I wake up with an idea of something I want to accomplish and I just do my best to make it happen…
Every day it’s something different.
This morning, I wanted to draft wire frame screens for the Shared Space app and send out resumes to try and find a job…
but when I woke up, I felt no desire. No drive. No motivation.
Each morning, I wake up and contemplate my place in the universe. I recognize that I’m alive and I direct my thoughts towards things I want to experience.
This morning, I wanted to be creative. I wanted to be loved. I wanted to be happy, and I wanted to be motivated.
Because I wasn’t.
I’ve lost a sense of direction towards creating things that challenge me. I’ve lost a sense of curiosity.
I’m not entirely sure what interests me, and still, I keep waiting for my gut to guide me.
I’m not sure if my gut knows what to do…
This morning I was afraid that I was letting resistance beat me. I didn’t feel like drafting wireframes or exercising or sending out job applications.
I didn’t know what I wanted to do…
I just knew those were the things I needed to do. So, I went upstairs and journaled.
I drank coffee, listened to music, and wrote a post for the website. All things I wanted to do.
By the time I had finished, I had a strong desire to keep working. But I stopped.
I knew then, I needed to exercise. If I didn’t, I would have failed. The man I wanted to be would remain a figment of my imagination.
I put shorts on, plugged headphones in, and jogged.
By the time I got home, I felt motivated.
The only thing I wanted to do, the only thing I cared about, was working on the wireframes and sending out job applications.
This morning I willed myself, and projected my thoughts, towards recieving the motivation that mattered to me.
What I really want to say is I still don’t know what I’m doing, I’m just trying to do my best.