When Dreams Create Reality

It wasn’t long ago that I felt isolated within my mind, alone in a state of emotional debilitation that spilled waves of doubt upon my spirit…

Lost in a plague of confusion as I struggled to make sense of why I felt different from everyone around me.

Adrift in an ideology, a way of perceiving reality that (I felt) couldn’t be understood among my friends or family…

I’m losing myself. I’m trying to write instead of just letting it flow. I’m writing instead of just thinking on screen…

The fact is, for a good length of time, I felt like I would never be understood.

I would talk with friends, chat with my family, and share with others, and still, I felt like no one understood what I was going through, what I wanted, or how I saw the world…

The only solace I could find was in the podcasts of other artists.

When I listened to their conversations, I finally felt a part of. I finally felt like I had found people that understood me, people that wanted to share themselves with the world as fervently as I did. I formed a close relationship with these people, and still, to this day, they have no idea who I am, or what I represent…but for me, they represent sanity. They represent the power of the human spirit to create a ripple effect in the ocean of conformity we all subscribe to.

And, I’m no different.

I conform constantly.

I follow non-conformists into my own standard of what is right, what is wrong, and what needs to be done.

I’m constantly being influenced, adapted, and molded to the non-conformity of the artists who have shared themselves with the world…and, as always, I am contradicting myself.

In essence, I found peace in the unknown. Peace in the confusion that every human being is confronted with…

Why are we here? What can I believe in? What makes “me”, ME?

I began to express my thoughts, my feelings, and my ideas at a blank screen. Manically, I took to writing in a futile attempt at escape. I say futile, because for a time, it brought little relief…in fact, for a good length of time, I fell deeper into a well of despair as I attempted to make sense of reality, and my place in it…

It wasn’t until I built up the courage to share my writing that I found the relief I so desperately craved.

I published an essay called, “Detox, Recovery, and the Pursuit of a Dream”.

I attacked the blank page with everything I had, everything I felt. My back was against the wall, and there was nothing else to do but to actually do it, actually let myself be seen for who I truly was, and what I truly wanted…I had to finally be the man I saw within my own mind. I had to take action to create the destiny I saw within myself.

Everything I do, every action I take, gives me something.

I no longer question myself, or think about the affect my own words or actions will have on those around me, because I have learned to trust. I have been led by artists that I respect, led by a group of men and women who I have never met, following a trail of residual energy that they have left in pursuit of their own truth. I follow, and I now understand what it means to live in a moment that persists as long as my eyes are open…

The day I published my first essay, I hid from social media.

I put my phone in my pocket, turned off vibrations, notifications, and alerts, and went to work.

Anxiety, self-doubt, and fear of judgment consumed my mental, and gradually, as the day progressed, those feelings subsided into a warm whisper.

I spent an entire evening working, drove home, and strapped my shoes on for a run.

I didn’t want to think, I didn’t want to feel, I didn’t want to see…I didn’t want to know. I didn’t want to care…so I ran…

I ran late at night, stars twinkling in the sky, my feet moving in pace to the rhythm of my favorite artists as they sang words of encouragement through my earbuds…

“Don’t give up”

I returned home, lay on the couch in my living room, and loaded up Facebook on my phone:

Notifications, Comments, and Likes abound…a downpour of energy began to well up in my spirit as I accepted the love from everyone who read, liked, and commented…

My anxiety slowly dissipated, and my body began to calm itself, accepting the weight of encouragement from all of my friends and family. I beamed a smile, and I slept soundly.

The next morning, I woke up and began to think about the next thing I could get honest about. The next piece I would write that could be real; a piece that could give a part of my heart, and my soul, for the world to see, for the world to have…

And, I continued to write…

And, new thoughts, ideas, and realizations began to spill out onto the screen…

I found myself with a vision, and an idea, that I have been following ever since.

I write this now because I want to say thank you. Thank you to anyone who has given me kind words, sent me messages, liked my posts, or shared any of the content that I have been developing. Thank you to those that have encouraged, motivated, listened, read, laughed, and smiled with me as I’ve attempted to make sense of this thing we call life.

Thank you to those that have submitted to the website, or have shared their own art with me…

Every nano-gram of energy received from “you” (whoever is reading this) acts as a drive upon my spirit, juicing and encouraging me to continue building the vision I see within my mind…

6 months ago, I woke up feeling isolated in a world full of people.

Today, I wake up in a dream, surrounded by the energy of those who understand what it means to live for the benefit of ourselves, and those around us.

Today, I get to have conversations with people who speak my language.

I get to read the transparent thoughts of those who are struggling to understand why we are here, and what we want.

I get to share parts of myself, and parts of those I encounter, for the world to see…

Today, I feel successful, and I have everyone to thank.

I want to close with something awesome, maybe a quote or a message from one my favorite influential people. Like, maybe Gandhi, Carl Sagan, or Neil deGrasse Tyson…hmm…I could pull a quote from my main-man Seth Godin, or Brian Koppelman…I could hit us with some sweet words of wisdom from the band “The Whitest Boy Alive” or the soundscape solipsism that bleeds emotion in the form of Kid Cudi…

I could close with a quote from my cousin Trey Stewart, a gentlemanly man of quiet literary proficiency; a man of strong moral character whom the great poets, scholars, and literary genius’ would aspire to know…a man who took to Facebook this evening with some words that inspired me to write this piece tonight…

No.

I think I’ve got to close with a quote that I think about almost every day…a quote whose author is unknown to me (I’m not sure if it was me who coined it, or a close friend…hell, like everything I experience, everything I know, it doesn’t really matter)…

But there is one thing I DO know…

“Tommy Wiseau is Love, Tommy Wiseau is Life.”

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