Thanks for Letting Me Share

I went to an AA meeting and opened my mouth to share…

“Well shit…I guess I’m sharing…”

10 seconds of silence.

“I seem to notice patterns”

Fuck…what? What the hell does that even mean? Keep it on topic buddy, talk about yourself…

“So when I first got sober…”

Dude. What are you doing?!? Who gives a shit about when you first got sober. Share what’s happening NOW. Keep it real bro!

“I just feel like everything I’ve been working towards, everything I’m trying to build, isn’t going to work…”

There we go. Keep it going, keep it flowing…your off.

The rest of the share is a haze. I talked about the app and the website. I talked about writing myself through pain, using a blank page to capture honest thought.

I shared about a book I wrote during the most emotionally debilitating months of my life…

A book that saved me from me.

I shared where I was at.

I released my fears, my anxieties, and my experiences. I opened up to a room full of people and found myself fully intact.

Earlier that day, I was drafting blueprints for the U.I. Minds Eye Social Media APP.

Halfway through a sketch, I looked at what was drawn up and felt real fear.

“I don’t think this thing is going to work.”

My mom turned her head sideways, my brother pulled his eyes from the pitch packet and pierced them at me.

“None of it…the whole thing. I don’t think people are gonna use it, I don’t think I can make it the way I want it to be…”

The room fell silent as I met eyes with my mom.

“It will work”

I looked at her, I looked at the half written functionality spread in front of me, the problem I couldn’t seem to fix, mean mugging me in the face.

And my mom solved it.

She drew out a draft that made sense, a schematic that would work…

I looked at my brother and he told me that he couldn’t believe what I had written.

I looked back at the pages we had already drafted, and motivation surged through me.

Vocalizing my fears provided the answers I needed and the encouragement to continue forward.

To continue working.

My mind readjusted to reality.

The voice in my head, the fear and doubt, had been replaced by the motivation and belief of those around me.

The AA room returned, candle light glimmering all around.

“And, I guess I just needed to vocalize what I’ve been going through, cause, life…Man…I guess that’s all I wanted to share…”

My mind relaxed itself, hope nestling quietly back into my chest.

The meeting ended and I was approached by two people.

I spent the rest of the evening talking about writing.

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