This morning, while I was smoking my morning cigarette and thinking in my garage, I realized what I want to do a Facebook video on.
I am going to try and make it a quick one, a minute and a half tops. I’m gonna share what I have learned about courage, and a new realization on my habitual “hiding” from social media.
Its not fear that prevents me from looking at Facebook on days when I publish content, its the fact that as soon as I do, the story I tell myself in my mind isn’t real anymore. The story that people are listening, watching, or reading. The story that people understand, and I am understood…
As soon as I look on social media, I see how many likes, comments, and shares the post has acquired, and it removes the fantasy I project in my mind.
I don’t like the idea of validation, it prevents me from being true. Its something that society has engrained in my DNA. Just as prevalent as my geneological code, the environment and the system that I have been birthed into has done a number on the way my brain interacts with the world.
I am no different than any other cog in the wheel trying to break free…
But the funny thing is, I am trying to stay within the confines of the wheel as I make my move towards the outer spectrum of conformity we all subscribe to.
Like, I am working 40 hours a week at a job, when I would much rather be free…
I am not acting out on total impulse, because I am aware, and I am afraid.
I may be doing things that are unexpected of me, but I completely expect them. In fact, the story I tell myself in my mind is so grand that it urges me forward whether I like it or not…it just so happens, I love it.
A few months ago, I had a hard time distinguishing ego from purpose, or mania from drive.
I have learned to accept that ego is not the issue. Although I have one, I do not act upon it. The things I do could be construed as ego blasts, or shouts for attention, but they are not coming from that place…
They come from somewhere deeper, somewhere complicated and barely understood…they come from me. The “me” that I am trying to be.
I know I write about myself a lot.
I know I love myself.
I know I love others…
and I know I cant change anyone or anything.
but, I CAN change how I choose to perceive the world around me, and I can change myself.
It seems I have reached a precipice in my own development as a human being. It seems that to change myself, I need to challenge myself.
The challenge I create seems to be the only way new realizations, new ideas, and interesting thoughts have been able to enter my brain. Without the discomfort on days when I allow myself to be seen, I wouldn’t be me right now.
So, once again, I have a new challenge to confront. The challenge is how I can update the internets on U.I. Minds Eye while acting in the principles I am trying to promote.
So, I’ve gotta keep it real. I’ve gotta share myself for who I am and what I’ve learned, and then explain the reason why I am updating people on the status of the site (So they know what they will be subscribing to when I send page invites to all my friends) and to explain the purpose of the site:
To explore ourselves introspectively in a community of self-discovery.
I’m already getting nervous about recording the video.
I wanna try and do it tonight when I get off work.
The story remains the same:
I am trying to prove something to the artists and the creatives that have come before me.
I am trying to prove something to the “me” I haven’t met yet.
From My Minds Eye to Yours
Written by Adam Abramowitz on 2/23/2016 at 12:30PM
Video Recorded and Published: 2/24/2016 at 3:30AM