Every morning I wake up and pray but I don’t know what I’m praying to.
I don’t like using the word prayer and I can’t tell if I have bronchitis or my lungs are just pissed at me for vaping all the time.
I’m pretty sure it’s both.
I listen to Alan Watts lectures on YouTube to help me fall asleep. He talks about stuff I think about so I don’t have to think about it.
I think life’s a lot easier when I’m not thinking.
I still think life is Hard.
I dream about using drugs. Using dreams where I’m waiting for people to die so I can get high.
I’m pretty sure everything that goes on in my head is an illusion. Just cause I believe something doesn’t mean it’s true and I don’t get to decide what thoughts I have.
I get to decide what to do with them.
I think the point of art is to make life a little easier, a little more bearable. It works best when it makes me feel like I’m not so alone.
The last time I was struggling, i talked to a friend of mine who committed suicide. She told me I don’t have to save anyone, I don’t have anything to prove. I don’t have to be anything more than I already am.
She told me she just wanted me to be happy.
I was talking to myself.
The best art is the art that gets created to save yourself.
Everything can be art and I think it’s a verb.
None of us know what’s gonna happen next. Each moment dies the minute it’s breathed in. Anything could happen. And I think it’s weird that I’ve never stopped breathing. Ever. It’s been happening since I was born, while I sleep, and now. It never stops.
I’m pretty sure the bronchitis would go away if I stopped vaping.
Thanks for letting me share.