Two passages, two opposing perspectives, written 13 years apart.
I met Will in a time of change, one of which only has space for personal growth, a change that is still at work in his life today. He seems to have found a part of himself and more importantly, (in his own way) he found God. Or should I say, in his journey he is now able to experience God. It is my pleasure to present to you two poems that he has written, with a time interval of thirteen years between the two. I couldn’t help but read them over and over again…
Well done my friend, I look forward to reading more of your work…
12/3/2002 (within the mind of Will Conrad):
I’m lost in an unfamiliar place
I need my Mom, to help find my way
I need my Dad too, but he’s been gone ever since May
I’m full of hate, so when I pray
I always say, “Hey, FUCK YOU God!”
And if you hear it, why don’t you appear this minute?
So I can say it to your face
And by the way
While you’re here, tell me this
How could you waste seven days
To create this torturous place?
It just seems odd
I thought Satan was the one
Who gets his kicks from serving up pain
Are you even aware the ammount sustained?
It’s way too much to count,
But I doubt we deserve it
When you look at it
How could you not put a stop to this hurting?
I couldn’t watch it without going insane
I hear Heaven is great; why not open the gates?
I’m sick of being patient
Are you hoping to notice some faith?
It took all of my strength
Just to maintain this long on this planet
This isn’t Earth, It’s Lucifer’s world
“And you’re to blame, Goddamn it!”
13 years later…
All that’s ever leaked from this pen is pain…
How do I express myself now that I feel joy again?
So insane that I can wake with a prayer to start my day
Rather than wake with a pill and just pray that the sickness goes away
For so long I spoke of the idea of God with disdain
The shame I had for my past has lessened,
And what a blessing to have this obsession taken away
No longer ashamed to say that I believe in a God today
Not the God that I ate up when I was a kid
The one that was played up, the one made up by men
I’m talking about the God I experienced
when my mom told me to go play
And I found a creek to play in
When I can take pleasure in the day, no matter the weather
And notice something as simple as a sunset
Just knowing that I will still feel restless
But that’s life and with time shit will get better…
So far that’s the best I can express myself
It’s taken some time but I guess I just had to let myself
God bless it