“A Glance Inside the Minds Eye” Part 2: The Disintegration of a Dream

If I believe I can do something and I’m stoic about achieving; I can attain. Removing drugs and alcohol from my life was a goal only I could reach. Each day, I had to center my thoughts on the singular purpose of not using. I developed a mentality of honesty and realized that when I shared my desire to be sober around others, it gave my past experiences value. Expressing my transparent thoughts and emotions created a daily drive towards success.

I found the same mentality has applied to what I want out of life. There are times when I can doubt myself, times when I can think that what I want is not possible; unreachable. Times when I doubt the integrity of those around me. Nobody sees the future like I do. Nobody feels the intense craving of success quite like I do.

Outside of 12-Step meetings, I found a new purpose. A new reason to wake up every morning. An opportunity to create the music I would like to hear. The people who had manifested themselves around me locked in to my ambition and we found ourselves a taste of success… Continue reading “A Glance Inside the Minds Eye” Part 2: The Disintegration of a Dream

“A Glance Inside the Minds Eye” Part 1: Recovery

I’ve awoken to find myself in hell. A singular thought, an obsessive craving, scratching and tearing at my mind.

I’ve held on to hope long enough to remain drug free for a minute, an hour, a day. I learned from others experiences living in a world where manufactured escape is not an option.

I found my gut, my conscience, fully intact. I started to look at the world with child-like wonder. I let my own passion drive me forward. I no longer had to hide from the experiences of my past. In recovery, I found honesty. Embarked on a journey of self-discovery that began as quickly as I decided to be honest with who I am and what I want out of life… Continue reading “A Glance Inside the Minds Eye” Part 1: Recovery

“Next Up” -P Suade-

The thing about P Suade is his story; his past. The rap he creates bleeds introspection and frustration in response to the life he’s lived.

His first mixtape, “Relapse Prevention”, was an exercise in therapeutic self-expression. Attacking himself on record with an acceptance of where he’s been, and where he wants to go.

Acknowledging his past experiences; his life as a suburban white kid with a habit for drugs. Addressing his own ambivalence towards the world; searching for meaning in the madness of addiction. Continue reading “Next Up” -P Suade-