The TRUE Story of Chester Copperpot

For your listening pleasure, the totally TRUE story of Chester Copperpot:

Listen on Spotify:

Apple Podcasts:


The TRUE Story of Chester Copperpot

Talkie Transcript

There was a guy named Chester Copperpot. He was a treasure hunter, an adventurer, and an all around brigand. Always on the sly, and creeping on the low, he was generally considered to be a fanatic, a sort of loose cannon seemingly caught up in delusions of treasures and riches. 

He inhabited the sleepy town of Astoria, OR regaling tales of Pirate Treasure and Booby Traps and a menacing sea captain One Eyed Willie who had a shitload of gold stuff. See, Chester Copperpot knew something the local resident didn’t know. He had a DEBLOOM that showed the specific location of where he could find One Eyed Willie and their treasure, and, Chester Copperpot made no qualms about his mission, his aim. Everyone he met, he told them about the treasure and the progress he was making towards finding it.

“Ho!!! I’ve got some pieces of a map and its all connecting and its making sense!! The treasure is there! Its around here!! Look at this debloom! Oooooo boyyy we’re gonna be rich! I’ll find this treasure and we’ll be sippin scotch smooth on the seven seas like good ol one eyed willie and his pirate crew!”

The good townspeople of Astoria laughed him out of their shops, their restaurants, and there was even one time when he was just chilling at the park feeding birds and the birds started laughing at him. 

“Chester Copperpot you don’t know nothin!!! quack quack quack”

Did i say birds? i meant they were ducks. Ducks are birds too i think…anyways Chester Copperpot was having a rough go of it. It felt like the entire town was against him, always throwing stuff his way and mocking his mission and his aim.

See, Chester Copperpot spoke of great treasure and adventure! he lived and studied and shared but no one believed him. No one gave him the time of day. And, a lot of times, Chester Copperpot felt sad and alone. The only warmth coming from the treasure of One Eyed Willies Treasure far deep in the collective reasoning of his own mind…

He saw the pieces, he was placing together all the facts, all he needed was a way out of town

Days passed, months turned from fall to spring to autumn and then back to fall again and then autumn once more until the fateful day Chester Copperpot stormed off on his own to find the treasure. And then he died. Crushed by a giant ceiling boulder while trying to read a map in the dark cavern beneath the fratellis hideout.

Discipline. Chester Copperpot had none.

He was caught up in what he envisioned the treasures to be, so engaged with his own identity and purpose that he was unable to be present for anything that was actually occurring. Cause if he wasn’t thinking about his treasure, he was thinking about One Eyed Willie, and if he wasn’t thinking about One Eyed Willie, he was attempted to convince everyone around him that the treasure was real and he knew how to get it.

He shared to convince others, but really, he was just trying to convince himself.

I’m pretty sure that’s why he got stomped out by the giant boulder booby trap. He was totally unable to be present for what was occurring. Unable to see his body, his mind, and his movements while traversing the dangerous caverns beneath the Fratellis hideout. Powers of observation? Self examination? Openness and vulnerability? Chester Copperpot had none

See, Copperpot was a man obsessed with proving himself. Proving his worth. Finding his worth. He was consumed with an unrelenting urge to establish himself as a treasure hunter the likes of which the world had ever seen. He also had a totally gay crush on One Eyed Willie. Which is reasonable, cause One Eyed Willie was a super handsome man. A beautiful man. His skull shone brightly in the dreams of all the young boys of Astoria, OR. Wrapped in a warm blanket, boys would awaken sweaty, panting:

“One Eyed Willie…One eyed willie…down there. Its our time down there. Up here, up here its their time. Its their time up here.”

Like children of the corn but totally gayer. One eyed willie had that affect. Thats how handsome of a pirate captain he was

Anyways, Chester Copperpot was an obsessed treasure hunter looking for fame and fortune and it got him friggen killed. He thought he would find it out there…When really, Chester Copperpot had the treasure all along. It was love. The treasure was love. And it was in his heart and you would know that if you watched the Goonies cause at the very end everyone realized that everything they ever wanted was right there with their family. Right there in the sleepy town of Astoria, OR

The End

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s