It hit full force very sneaky-like this morning so we had to bust out the big guns:
Hit this link to download/purchase Steven Pressfield’s “The War of Art”
Resistance on Course w/ The War of Art
Well, I wasn’t feeling anxious before but now I am.
Cause i woke up with nothing to say, no ideas or topics, or interest in recording or writing. I haven’t felt inspired to do anything all morning. In fact, the reason’s I’ve created for participating in this work are fading away.
My brain is beginning to convince me that what I’m doing is inherently selfish. It’s telling me that all of this is a nuisance, that it’s harmful. That i am emboldening a part of myself that needs to die off. That the writing and the podcast is blocking me off from the world, preventing me from engaging.
It wants me to ignore the task for today. The mission. It wants me to fold in the towel and do what?
I can’t think of anything else to do. So I revert to what I know to be True:
Your mind isn’t here to help you.
In fact, it’s trying to hurt you. It’s thinking itself out of action. Out of discipline and commitment.
At times, there’s a voice talking back: “This is normal. Par for course. You’re ship set sail two weeks ago with a course unknown and now you’re in the grind. You’re in the seas and there’s no land in sight. You’ve been rowing for days and feel you’re getting nowhere. And that’s as it should be. You don’t look up. You don’t plot another course. You don’t steer sideways…you keep your head down, grip the oars, and keep going.”
It’s like the two wolves story: in every person there are two wolves. A good wolf and a bad wolf. And every day they’re duking it out. And the fate of the world depends on which of these two wolves wins the day. And the winner is always decided by the wolf that got fed.
I think its a great story but pretty much useless for where i’m at…
Cause none of the voices are good. Matter of fact, it’s psychotic. Why sit here and listen to myself try to convince myself to do or not to do? I need to sit my ass down and do.
Get to the gym, go to the laptop, eat the eggs, fill out the paperwork, fold the laundry. Just do the thing.
I even thought about reading “The War of Art” as a means of avoiding this screen. This page. I figured, heck I read some Bruce Lee yesterday why don’t i just download the War of Art and find some stuff in there to read about? To talk about? I mean, it’s relatable. It seems to be where i’m at…
but no fuck that. I’m trying to learn how to think. How to be. How to have my own voice. That would have been phoning it in. Laziness. And the only reason is because somehow, i could tell i was in full blown avoidance mode. Full blown escape mode. And the only reason i could tell was because I got lucky.
Which most of life is made of. And most ideas arise from. And most of what we say, do, or create draws from. Pure luck.
And none of this shit that i’m writing or speaking needs to be good. It’s a process oriented way of living I am adapting to.
And the barrier is there. It’s resistance. Anxiety, procrastination, and self talk.
I can tell its the real deal when my body feels totally fine but my brain is trying to convince me of all sorts of shit. And that’s where the real work is. And it’s an exercise. It’s a muscle. Learning to do the thing you don’t want to do. Pushing the weight.
Yesterday, I went out to eat with my folks and we were talking about meditation and the untethered soul and all this mystic philosophy stuff and she asked me something…I can’t remember what it was but she seemed confused by what I had to say:
Anything you think is not True.
And her face scrunched in, deep in thought as she attempted to onboard the idea.
Anything you think is not True.
And I’m gonna expand on it now just to try and land it…but the Reality is this. It just is. It’s what’s happening, what’s occurring, in a moment in a time. The only thing that’s real. And what i think, or feel, or believe about Reality separates me from the total expression of what is.
and yes, thoughts are part of that, but they aren’t that
Thoughts are just passing leaves, dead on arrival, and you are the only one experiencing them. And when we listen to them, we separate ourselves from the experience of living, and being, with others. With the world. With Reality…
Where life is happening. Where the moment is. It’s here. The only place we’ll ever be…
Until your brain starts telling you that you don’t need to write, or exercise, or fold the laundry, or work on that thing…
Cause that’s when you’ll know where you need to go.