When heroin is removed, all that remains is the obsession.
When you don’t have it, you’re antsy and anxious and depressed. You can’t enjoy the weather, people, music, movies, or art.
The idea that people can be outside mowing the lawn, or talking on the phone, or smiling and laughing is unfathomable. Continue reading Rock Bottom
I was up all night doing cocaine before a 5am conditioning session with the football team.
20 minutes into the exercise, I blacked out and woke up in the hospital.
The doctors had me stay overnight to be observed. My Mom flew halfway up the east coast to make sure I was alright. Continue reading A Reflection on Collegiate, and Present, Consequence
I won’t be recording myself in 12-step meetings anymore.
Here’s the final episode of my two part podcast: Continue reading Powerlessness and Doing Scary Shit (#2)
I shared in an AA meeting. The topic for the group was Higher Power (“God”).
I put my iPhone down, pressed (record), and joined the discussion: Continue reading “God” is Irrelevant (AA Share #1)
If we are going to live solely just to survive, what is the value?
Adults will tell you that adulting sucks. They often will tell you how much they wish they were 22 again so they could skydive, but now they’re too old and have a bad back.
They will talk about their home life as if it’s a ball and chain… Continue reading Soul Food
My high school sweetheart died of a drug overdose.
I spoke to her 2 weeks before she OD’ed and told her that she needed to check into a detox.
She wouldn’t do it… Continue reading 11:11 Make a Wish
I decided that I hated everything about Alcoholics Anonymous about thirty seconds into the meeting. My ego did not like to admit to being vulnerable, even in a place where vulnerability is not only welcomed, but encouraged… Continue reading Anonymous Submission
I used to be a heroin addict.
3 1/2 years ago I spent a week detoxing in my room from all substances.
I haven’t had a drip, or a drop, since.
I don’t feel proud either… Continue reading When in Doubt: Risk
While on the birthright trip, I encountered a young man. Erick. He seemed different to me, he seemed at peace. He held himself with an air of serenity. Almost instantly, I noticed he was prominently placed anywhere we were. Prominently placed by his own vibe, his own energy. I could sense something that drew me to him. Something that caught my attention, despite the massive amount of frantic energy provided by a group of recovering alcoholics on vacation.
He didn’t speak much, he smiled occasionally. There was something about him and I couldn’t place it. I began to observe him… Continue reading “A Glance Inside the Minds Eye” Part 3: A Step Into Spirituality
I’ve awoken to find myself in hell. A singular thought, an obsessive craving, scratching and tearing at my mind.
I’ve held on to hope long enough to remain drug free for a minute, an hour, a day. I learned from others experiences living in a world where manufactured escape is not an option.
I found my gut, my conscience, fully intact. I started to look at the world with child-like wonder. I let my own passion drive me forward. I no longer had to hide from the experiences of my past. In recovery, I found honesty. Embarked on a journey of self-discovery that began as quickly as I decided to be honest with who I am and what I want out of life… Continue reading “A Glance Inside the Minds Eye” Part 1: Recovery