Recorded the day before I left to get married:
Listen/Watch on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or Soundcloud
I talk about the paradox at the center of non-duality: thoughts, feelings, and actions arise on their own, yet the consequences of my choices are still mine. I also talk about using drugs to control how I felt, building a sober life around needing no one, and my eventual collapse at seven years sober.
In this episode:
- The paradox: no one is doing anything, and I’m responsible
- Why “what happens behind my eyes” is my territory
- Why I never understood marriage and what changed
- Addiction, recovery, and the need to control how I feel
- The fear of loss, impermanence, and saying goodbye
- The serenity prayer finally making sense
00:00 There’s nobody doing anything, and yet I’m responsible
02:06 My territory: what happens behind my eyes
02:32 Leaving to get married tomorrow
04:07 Why I never understood marriage
06:06 Would you love her if she never changed?
07:14 Never planning a life with people
08:00 Addiction: using so I’d be okay with or without anyone
08:41 Getting sober and building a life that needs no one
11:02 The bottom falls out at seven years sober
12:22 What scares me: loving people I can’t control
13:30 Learning to accept that people come and go
15:16 Growing comfortable with things as they are
17:01 Your life is your business
17:39 The serenity prayer finally makes sense
18:55 Pulling up to work, headed to the wedding