In this episode, I share what my life was like before, during, and after a spiritual awakening that occurred while I was sober and active in Alcoholics Anonymous.

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At 27 years old, two years sober, and deeply immersed in A.A./12 Steps, something happened that completely altered how I experienced reality. While working in a warehouse listening to music, the sense of “me” collapsed. Time, identity, and space dissolved, revealing an unmistakable unity of self, other, and existence itself.

In this talk, I reflect on:

Life before awakening: addiction, avoidance, and chasing what feels good.

Early sobriety and how I used the 12 Steps as a way to manage discomfort.

The spiritual experience that changed my relationship to thought, emotion, and identity.

Why I suddenly began seeing thoughts instead of being lost in them.

How this experience was misunderstood in A.A. and why it concerned others.

The absence of language, framework, or teachers at the time.

The years that followed: creativity, self-creation, and eventual collapse.

Why existential despair came after awakening, not before.

If you have any questions please comment! I enjoy digging deeper into these types of topics.

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